On Testing, Test Taking, and Tests

-Tests are designed, or so their designers claim, to see if you possess enough knowledge on a subject. Personally, I find the whole matter rather insulting. You sit down, fill in a bunch of bubbles based on cryptic questions, then have some unnamed expert analyze your answers. Who is “the professor of English at Harvard” to tell me that I have “a passive voice.” What the hell does that even mean? The only thing worse than actually sitting down and taking the test is the long period of mind-numbing waiting while the slow person desparately tries to race through the last 45 questions. The following is a list of activites that can help occupy you while you wait in silence.

1.) You can play with your pencils. I suggest you also bring a big eraser to support the pencil triangles you will inevitably try to get standing.

2.) You can pretend you’re having a staring contest with one of your fellow test takers. (Note: this sometimes has unforseen results, such as unwanted friendships.)

3.) You can do as the test proctor always suggests and check your answers. However, everytime you check your answers you should expect to change at least three correct answers to wrong answers.

4.) You can cough over and over again to try to get the test proctors to think you’re cheating. (This is especially fun if one of your fellow test takers catches on and starts changing their answers based on your completely random coughing.)

I hope these suggestions help to occupy you.

            -That is all.