On Fighting and Fights

-I have long been an expert on this particular subject. In fact, I have never lost a fight. With one exception, and that wasn’t my fault. The guy rolled a five, A FIVE!, casting a globe of lightning, and then immediatey followed it up with a three, which was a finishing move. Apart from fictional role-playing based fights, I have a litte experience with actual physical duels. Here I will offer what little advice I have on the subject. First, it is important to always start the fight with the element of surprise. Feel free to liquor-up your opponent before initiating the duel. I suggest smiling, acting natural, then sucker-punching the guy. Next, keep your distance. Remember they can’t hurt you if they can’t reach you. If they try to get close keep them at bay with your right-jab. Mix in a few left-hooks to keep them on their feet. Finally, if you’re in a pinch and can’t seem to get out without fighting dirty, reveal your sword and/or knife. You don’t actually have to use the blade, just let them know you have it then walk away. If they try and pull the old reveal-the-blade stunt on you, reveal your pistol. If they take out a rifle you take out a grenade, and so on until both of you are inevitably carrying Nuclear Missle launch codes. My last tip is not to rub your victory in your vanquished foe’s face. Remember, they can choose to attack again at any moment.

              -That is all.